We were niggly, restless.
I was cross because I couldn’t hear properly because some woman had a really piercing voice in there, and because I had PMT and a headache, and because of the weather, and because I was just in a grump this week. She wasn’t herself either.
We drew cards.
Let’s all have some quiet times, people. Let’s nurture ourselves, be with ourselves, eat well, rest up, take the air, mend little things, make little things, feel the bleakness of January.
I realised that I’ve not had time alone for months.
After a dip in confidence late last year, I’ve almost felt afraid to be by myself. At first, I couldn’t remember what to do – I’d forgotten how it went, that solitude thing. Then I remembered. It starts with music. And making. Music for making?
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Tap tap tap. Stitch stitch, sip sip. Stuff everywhere. Aubergines sizzling on the stove. Mixtapes bubbling on the laptop. Poetry and cleaning. Fabric and paper and digital downloads. Staring into space. A thunderclap rumbles right through me. Rain, hail and rain again. A healing elixir of spices and milk warms me.
When the signs say it’s time for some healing and self-care, it might not always mean happiness.
Healing doesn’t have to be joyful. In my creativity, my mind was largely quiet. I swung slowly through my moods, not staying anywhere for long, just observing the queer ebb and flow of my state of heart – first fear, then excitement, then a strange, placid place, then darkness, then light. The stimulation of someone’s words arranged *just right*, the irritation of unpicking misplaced stitches, the satisfaction of one song following another, the calm confidence of being me.
And as night drew in and I settled down by the fire, I felt a shift and allowed myself to go further into those darker places.
I’m a 30-something writer, artist, tarot reader, and perpetual explorer of the space between thought, feeling, and action.
I believe that spirituality and ritual are for everybody. I’m about the journey, in all of its messy, non-linear, chaotic iterations. I am excited by anticapitalist business and living with my whole entire self present. I use tarot cards to bring forth hidden truth, and ritual to affirm my commitment, over and over, to my ever-shifting path.