For the past couple of months, I’ve been on an involuntary break from work.
Instead of spending hours each day in front of the computer, I’ve found myself resisting the screen. Losing my phone. Choosing anything but my desk. (Even, horror of horrors, allowing emails to go unanswered.) Instead, just allowing myself to drift. Watch the light and dabble in crafty things, go for walks with my camera, take long baths and read books.
Oh my. What a dreadful departure from hallowed productivity. Naturally I started doing what any normal well-adjusted self-employed person would: beating myself up. I told myself I was procrastinating, and that I’d lost it, and that my business was about to fall apart, and that I had nothing interesting to say any more. I wrote long impossible to-do lists and dreamed up daft work routines to get me back in the saddle, then got mad when I couldn’t follow them. I made myself sit in front of the screen, then got pissed off when the work didn’t automatically come.
And then, pulling single ‘message’ cards over dinner with friends, I received the Queen of Cups. Instantly, everything changed. “Go with it,” this card said, “it’s fine, it’s good. You’re showing up for yourself, and a different kind of ‘work’ is getting done. It is enough. Let it happen.”
And with that, I relaxed right back into myself an autumn break.
Into allowing. I placed the Queen of Cups on my altar, thanked her for this message, and sunk happily into this wonderful me-time. And it feels so good.
The Queen of Cups is not a card for rationality, structure or rules. Not for logic or lists. No, this is one for turning inwards, or exploring creativity, or talking with a dear friend, or doing something that is often the hardest thing of all: listening to your heart. Taking care of it. Nourishing it and trusting it to guide you. It requires a great deal of surrender, and it requires us to give less of a damn what others think. A difficult task, dressed in beautiful robes.
So, if you’ve been stressing yourself out over to-dos and commitments, if you’re resisting work and you don’t know why, if you’re finding yourself drawn to *other things* just now… allow this queen of water and intuition, creativity and flow to inspire you. If you can, let go of what you ‘must’ do, and allow some space for what you long to do instead, just for a little while. Know that it is enough and that you are enough.
Asia Sular sent these words in her newsletter today:
Autumn is a psychedelic season. More than just a waning golden hour, autumn has its own texture. And just by touching it, our consciousness begins to shift.
It’s so true, this ‘texture’, this collective understanding that things are just a little different this time of year. As Samhain nears, let yourself be more in your feelings, more in your heart and soul, and let your lists and structures flex or put them aside altogether.?
Cards shown are from Trung Nguyen’s forthcoming tarot deck and the Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Piu-Mun Law.
I’m a 30-something writer, artist, tarot reader, and perpetual explorer of the space between thought, feeling, and action.
I believe that spirituality and ritual are for everybody. I’m about the journey, in all of its messy, non-linear, chaotic iterations. I am excited by anticapitalist business and living with my whole entire self present. I use tarot cards to bring forth hidden truth, and ritual to affirm my commitment, over and over, to my ever-shifting path.