Eek. That’s it. I’m officially floating free.
I handed in my notice a few weeks ago and, with the clearing of a desk and the drinking of several pints of very dirty cider, I’m gawn.
Shame about the hangover! And about the fact that the casual work I had lined up for this weekend has gone kaput. Argh! Hadn’t banked on that! So I’m sitting on my sofa, nursing a very bad head and a very nice fruit smoothie, wondering what the heck I’m gonna do next.
Only one thing for it – a tarot card for today.
I’m in too much pain to drag myself across the room, so this card will be from the Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Piu-Mun Law, which just happens to be on the coffee table in front of me.
Oh dear, it’s the Nine of Swords. Well, that makes sense – I don’t know where my next month’s rent will come from at this stage so it’s likely I’ll be facing a few sleepless nights. And the moment I found out I didn’t have work this weekend, I felt a feeling of dread spread through my whole body.
However, this card is not as simple as I might think. Law’s interpretation of this card adds a lot to my ‘traditional’ understanding, writing on her website:
The funnel of the sky stretches up to the heavens; an ominous tower of storms with but the hope and glimmer of light high above at the eye of turmoil. “Come to me, come with me,” the voice of the Stormcrows whispers to him from nearby. “Let me guide you through.” With anxious eyes, he gazes upwards, away, oblivious to the proffered guidance through the night of the soul. He clutches sheathed sword close for security, rather than grasping bright blade aloft to light the way!
It sounds to me as though the stormcrows (stormcrows!) are actually helpers here, rather than fearsome demons. Whilst traditional cards like the Rider-Waite-Smith depict a person paralysed by anxiety and fear but show no way out, this card literally shows us light at the end of the tunnel. As Law says, there is ‘proffered guidance through the night of the soul’. I have a choice. I can remain on the ground and worry about things, held down like the chap on this card, or I can look up through that scary tunnel and agree to make the journey.
Better still, if I do decide to take that leap, I get a bunch of stormcrows to help me!
So I shall be on the lookout for those this week, flitty, shadowy creatures that they are, and will listen out for their guidance. There’s a tumultuous time ahead, I know this very well, and I’m bound to have moments of fear and doubt, not just about money but about the whole ‘where is my life actually going??’ thing.
I can feel that anxiety right there right now, in fact. But I’m just gonna look up to where the light is and keep on keeping on.
I’m a 30-something writer, artist, tarot reader, and perpetual explorer of the space between thought, feeling, and action.
I believe that spirituality and ritual are for everybody. I’m about the journey, in all of its messy, non-linear, chaotic iterations. I am excited by anticapitalist business and living with my whole entire self present. I use tarot cards to bring forth hidden truth, and ritual to affirm my commitment, over and over, to my ever-shifting path.