I had a question for the cards – a small question for a big situation.
My partner and I are about to return to the place we used to live, but left because of an emotional situation which just wasn’t healthy. Two years have passed, feelings have changed, and then changed again. Talking has happened, and silence too. Fixing-attempts have been made, some abandoned. There have been successes and failures. In the process understanding has gradually grown, closure of some sorts has been achieved. It’s time for us to return. It’s not a decision to make lightly, but it is the right one.
My question is what do I need to know, in order to make this transition safely for myself and my partner? I feel confident and good about our joint decision to move back…but there’s always room for a little more thought, particuarly around how to keep us safe and well.
I used the Celtic Cross spread, because of the sense of return in my question – I return to this spread like a trusty friend over and over, and I look to it now for guidance on my return to my old home. I used the Shadowscapes deck, because these cards are closest to my heart.
1. The centre – Queen of Pentacles
The Queen represents a supportive person, someone loving and giving, yearning to care for others, and she’s right at the heart of my reading. I know who she stands for – my love, who has stood by my side through all sorts of ups and downs as I’ve attempted to process what went before. The heart of my question is about protecting our relationship – offering that nurture and support back to him, turning it in on us.
2. Crossing – Ace of Cups
The crossing card, the Ace tells me I stand at the brink of an opportunity for great happiness and emotional fulfillment…and asks me how I will respond. I ponder this, as it is the very essence of my question. Will I jump in with both feet, not thinking, not paying attention to the lessons I’ve learned? Or go carefully, lovingly, gently into the next phase of my life, taking care of the people I love, nurturing my Queen of Pentacles right back, looking after us as we embrace this opportunity?
3. Basis – Eight of Cups
This card for me is about personal development. It’s about knowing when it is time to move on, to let something go; when it’s necessary to leave something behind in order to probe your own depths and find your own self. It can represent a time when things seem to be going quite well…and yet you know it’s time to leave. In the Shadowscapes deck particularly, there is a focus on ‘finding onesself’.
Does this mean my current home – things are fine here, I’ve no complaints…and yet there have been coincidences of timing which encourage me to move on, move home. I know it’s the right time.
Or does this mean my previous emotional state? Have I been clinging to my angst for too long – and now I am realising that if I don’t let it go, it will eat me up?
4. Where I’m coming from – Knight of Wands
The Knight of Wands is a really likeable character…yet infuriating. He rushes headlong into things without thinking of the consequences – with admiral intentions he puts all of his energy into projects and ideas he can’t always fulfill. I think of recent conversations and climaxes, moments of high energy followed by low. I read this card as a warning to go slower, to take my foot off the accelerator and let a gentle momentum carry me forward rather than always trying to propel myself into the future, dragging unwilling others with me, or stumbling and pulling us all down.
5. Unconscious – Eight of Wands
The Eight is traditionally about ideas – too many of them! And motion and energy and flight. It reminds me that although I can recognise my behaviour in the past (the Knight), that I am still very much susceptible to that type of energy. This is a good card to follow the Knight, and I link them together.
The Shadowscapes however takes a slightly different interpretation, with its image of a woman blowing dandelion seeds out into the breeze, representing her wishes. Stephanie Law writes The Eight of Wands is the beginning of a long journey towards a goal. A great undertaking is at hand. I think about this as my subconscious and I recognise the truth there – I do have a goal in mind, which is happiness and peace for my relationship. I feel that this move will help us achieve that.
6. What lies ahed – The Star
The ‘hope’ card. a renewal, a new start, unjudged, a feeling of generosity and kindness. I looked her up in the Shadowscapes book and found this wondeful description, which naturally I’m very happy to accept as a future forecast for myself: Finding the still and silent place within your being of serenity, tranquility amid trouble, harmony, offering without reservations. … The harshness of daylight …is gone, and there is nothing but the calm and nonjudgemental light of the stars.
It precisely what I seek; this card gives me the confidence to believe we can achieve it.
7. Me, now – Death
An appropriate card for this moment – I very much feel the death of an old self and the emergence of a new one at this time. I love the glorious phoenix depicted on the card, beating and stretching her flaming wings. After years of thinking about how I could fix things, recent events have brought me to the illuminating understanding that my attempts were only hurting people, myself included, and that it was time to let go of that sense of responsibility. I feel I have turned a corner, and without that corner, this move home would not be possible.
There is rebirth also in my relationship, where I feel I have suddenly been able to relax into the arms of my love and be there peacefully.
8. External influences – The Wheel of Fortune
Well – that’s what it means, isn’t it. That sense that you can’t always create your own luck. I read this card as a reminder to examine each situation carefully – to know where my own responsibilty lies, and to understand when things are beyond my control. This card is also a reminder of recent events, where I finally learned that it is not my job to continually try to prod a situation forward, to achieve resolution. Sometimes it’s best to let that come about in a slow, organic way…or accept that it might not.
9. Hopes and fears – Ten of Wands
Responsibility – burden. A ‘can’t say no’ attitude, leading to too many responsibilities and an inability to delegate. This has been an on-off fear throughout my life – life will be quiet and I’ll look for projects and things to do…but I’ll not do it with balance and will end up trying to do everything. I don’t want this next phase of my life to feel that way. I think this represents the ideas I mentioned in the two cards above – that I must let go of that sense that I need to take responsibility for ‘moving things on’, that I must not bring that with me. I won’t.
10. Outcome – Four of Pentacles
This card represents self protection; guarding carefully what I hold dear, prioritising my treasures. This card can represent a Gollum-like obsession with one’s own riches, to the exclusion of ther considerations…but here it’s about knowing what to hold on to. This brings me full circle and back to my Queen of Pentacles, the very heart
of the reading. The message of this reading is to hold close to my love. He has protected me and nurtured me thus far, and this card reminds me now to return that protection, to guard our love carefully at a time we both know could be destabilising.
So the message here is about taking care of my love, holding him close to me, knowing what I value, and taking things one step at a time. Not getting any big ideas, just letting us settle in together. Not seeking trouble (whilst kidding myself I’m seeking resolution). And channel a bit of that Star thing – her hope, optimism, generosity and nonjudgementalism. Going easy on myself and on my relationship. That feels good.
I’m a 30-something writer, artist, tarot reader, and perpetual explorer of the space between thought, feeling, and action.
I believe that spirituality and ritual are for everybody. I’m about the journey, in all of its messy, non-linear, chaotic iterations. I am excited by anticapitalist business and living with my whole entire self present. I use tarot cards to bring forth hidden truth, and ritual to affirm my commitment, over and over, to my ever-shifting path.