This is Part I of a 3-part series on the Moon in relationships. Part II explores how your Moon sign impacts your relationship with partners you live with. Part III will be a deep dive into each Moon sign’s intimacy styles, what you need from your loved ones, and what they need more of from you.
In your natal chart, the two most important bodies are the Sun and the Moon, aka the luminaries.
The Sun represents our conscious self, our will, our talents – the stuff we want badly to be recognized for. A Libra acts like a Libra, because she wants people to see her as being fair.
The Moon is the Sun’s equally-weighted opposite, it’s partner-in-crime and competitor for our attention. The Moon describes our inner self, what we need rather than what we want, what we do automatically, how we comfort ourselves and others. It’s a huge revelation to learn about your Moon sign for the first time. It’s soooo different to be just another Leo than to be a Leo with a Scorpio Moon. Suddenly, it makes sense why you avoid the Leo spotlight – because your inner Scorpio self doesn’t want its secrets exposed.
Will the real love planet please stand up?
There are ten planets and several sensitive points in our birth charts; every single one shapes our relationships.
We make flirty eyes from our Ascendant. We date from our egocentric Sun. We make moves (or don’t) from animalistic Mars. We decide what kind of relationship we want with rational Venus. And we bond from our needy, loving, cuddly Moon.
You know you’re in a lunar relationship – one with your Moon calling the shots – when you say “I don’t need to be ‘on’ with you.” The difference between a best friend and a regular one is how much time you spend in Moon-mode around that person. It’s also the difference between ‘seeing someone’/’chilling’/’hanging out’ and feeling like you’re in a ‘real’ relationship.
Those differences – the shift from Sun or Mars to Moon, from acting on purpose to responding automatically – are what make being close to another human being so tricky. The problems that come up in Lunar relationships are harder to figure out, and the hurt, when it happens, goes way deeper. Of course, anyone who’s ever stayed up all night snacking and smoking and crying with their bestie knows the benefits are better too.
We grow into each part of our birth chart at different ages. The Moon, our needy bonding-happy infant self, is one of the first pieces to emerge. The Moon also represents our mother. Not exactly our mother – rather the mother we believe we have (including absent mothers, dads-as-mothers and sometimes an auntie or grandma), and therefore the mother we end up carrying with us, inside, into adulthood.
We respond to our own feelings and to our loved one’s needs in a way that matches that first nurturing. Not that it will be an exact copy. A Cancer Moon kid might have a super happy childhood, always feeling loved and protected, and grow up to smother everyone they ever date. Or they could enjoy their cozy inner world so much they feel no need to get closer to others.
This is where that free will stuff comes in: What version of your Moon sign do you want to be? Which one will really make you happy?
This is part I in a 3-part series on the Moon. Check in next month for a sign-by-sign breakdown of your best and worst possible Lunar selves. And come visit me at seagoatastrology.com for more astro-dish.
Photos by Migueltzinta Solis
Luke Dani Blue is a fiction writer and accidental nomad currently based out of Alberta, Canada. They’re also a typical Capricorn does-it-count-as-workaholism-if-i-love-it? workaholic, so when they’re not writing, they’re astrologizing! Astrology found Luke around 15 years ago. It was the first language that described who they were and helped untangle the most private, difficult parts of their experience.
Most of Luke’s days now are spent counseling astrology clients all around the world via the miracle of the internet about the good and hard stuff going on their lives. You can find fun (yet accurate) writing and videos about the lighter side of astrology at Luke’s website, Seagoat Astrology.