February Sunday Spread | Expansive Love

Hey friends, happy February!

Don’t worry, we don’t have to re-evaluate our relationship status. I know I usually start with “Darlings”, but it’s not a demotion. I want to talk about how we honor our friendships and all of our non-romantic/sexual relationships. I don’t think we honor or uplift these relationships nearly enough! My apologies, to the asexuals and aromantics among the fold; I know you get it and hope that you’ll chime in if it resonates for you to do so.

It’s just that it’s FEBRUARY, and in the social media onslaught of chocolates, flowers, dates and status updates, this time of year that’s suppose to highlight the love in our lives can instead leave folks feeling like they don’t have enough of the right kind of ‘hallmark love’. It can be really easy to get caught up in the frantic cycle of trying to find and bring love into our lives versus checking in with all the places we have it and give it.

These days, there is a lot of great reading to be done about the diversity of ways we have the capacity to love, but one my favorites will always be Redefining Our Relationships by Wendy O’Matik. This tiny book packs so much more punch than its diminutive size would have you believe at first glance. O’Matik describes herself as a polyamory advocate and radical love warrior, and she certainly is both!

For me, the most influential words happen in the first few pages where O’Matik does what she promises in the moniker and offers new definitions for some of the relationship ideas we take most for granted. She literally urges us to redefine what love is, how we make it, and who we share it with. She asks us to imagine how different our lives and the world would be if we took the wild, passionate abandon that we focus on our romantic entanglements and spread that energy out across our communities.

In the relationship work I do, I often invite folks to contemplate the abundance of love in their life as they search for new partners and/or heal with current partners. We will all tend to interpret actions and make different choices about how we want to interact when we are coming from places of abundance. When we’re feeling scarce in any resource, our survival instincts are triggered – which are not always our clearest places.

The expansiveness with which O’Matik invites us to understand ‘love’ has always been comforting to me. It means that even in times when we’re feeling low in some ‘love’ resources, we can take a more full and accurate assessment of all of the love that truly graces our lives. And even when, in reality or perception, we can’t seem to find places of abundance, we can meditate on how to pour love out in an energetic offering and as a pathway to connection.

Thus, this February Sunday Spread, I thought I’d try for a tarot spread version of this offering. It is an invitation to explore who we are in love, what we believe about it, and how to make it!

Tarot spread for expansive love

Pull the Three of Cups from your deck and sit with it for a bit.

The Three of Cups is all about celebrating connection, friendship, and community. I used my Slow Holler deck to create this pull, because they also add an encouragement to “think outside of binaries,…to acknowledge that multiple factors or possibilities can co-exist without hierarchy,” and to “[c]hallenge both individualistic and pair or couple-oriented approaches.”

I sat with the importance of connection and thought about ways to combat the isolation that challenges so many of us in this life. I then set my Three of Cups card in the middle of where I would pull my spread, took a deep breath, and with eyes on the triad toasting to the power of interconnection, I started to shuffle.

As always, listen to yourself as to when your shuffling period is finished. Cut your deck and pull three cards from the top.

Card 1: Who you are in love

This card references how we experience love in our lives, and it gives us insight into what our roles may be in our relationships. Think about how whatever card you pulled resonates with what you already know/believe about yourself. Does the message seem to affirm what you already know or is it inviting you to a new understanding?

Card 2: What you believe about love

This card fleshes out what some of our beliefs are about love that we’ve accumulated over the years through input and experience. Again, think about whether the messages from this card resonate with how you ‘think’ you understand love and process if it’s an affirmation or invitation.

Card 3: How to make love to your community

This is our action card. It offers us some insight on how to make love to our communities. Like the Slow Holler’s Three of Vessels, it reminds you to “Reach out to your wider network. Embrace your interdependence and draw on collective wisdom and strength. Whenever we can come together in this scattered world, it’s a cause for celebration. Our histories tie us to one another, but so much of our lives are spent isolated or feeling left out. Come back into the circle and remember who’s holding you.”

Wishing you a February of EXPANSIVE LOVE!

Featured deck: Slow Holler

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  1. Mara says:

    Wonderful spread that I’ll definitely be trying (with my own Slow Holler.) One of the biggest breakthroughs I had in therapy was the realization of deep-seated compassion within the Self. If the Self taps into that compassion for others, it can go a long way toward practicing compassion toward our own traumas, but also can lead us to navigate more thoughtful ways in which we interact and love one another.

    I’m an agoraphobe and don’t leave the house often, but that feeling of general love and compassion for my community, for the people who create and act and say what needs to be said, has really had a transforming effect on decades of trauma and illness.

    Here is to that expansive love, may it extend to others as well as ourselves.

    • Hey, Mara, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, your plans to work this spread, and your wishes to the rest of the community! I’m so glad that you have supportive folks and nurturing practices as you move through these challenges.

      Wishing you all the expansive love you deserve! <3

  2. Taylor says:

    Thank you for sharing this spread… I tried using my Spiral deck (not my favorite illustrations, but tend to get simpler reads)… Though I’m not sure about this one…. #1— Ace of Swords #2– 7 cups, #3—6 swords… I think this definitely shows the insight of walls I have built up and working on!! Yikes!

    • Traci Medeiros-Bagan says:

      Hey, Taylor! I’m so glad you tried it and it resonated. I can’t tell via comment if that’s a “good, Yikes!” or a ” bad, Yikes!” but tarot wisdom can sometimes be a bit of both right?! 🙂 #truthbombs 🙂 I love that you’re letting it be more of an uncovering than anything else. It sounds like you already have a really strong understanding of who are with that ace of swords, that clarity is always there to return to and/or build a solid base from! Plus, so much lightening, positivity, and revitalizing in the 6 of swords! Maybe there’s just a bit of clearing to be done in the middle. Thanks so much for sharing your experience!

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